TikTok, Stoicism, and the Battle in Your Head

Yesterday I caught a video on TikTok, a guy reflecting on 38 years of life. Not in some overly-polished, “I’ve figured it all out” way. Just honest. The kind of wisdom you earn through bruises, not books.

He said something that stopped me: “The way you truly see yourself is how the world will reflect it back.”

I felt that.

For years now, I’ve been on this slow, unsexy grind of trying to master myself. It’s not glamorous. It’s not supposed to be. But the older I get, the more I realize how often we think our problems are out there—external, circumstantial. We blame the noise. The stress. The world.

But sometimes the problem isn’t “out there.” Sometimes the chaos is inside.
And no amount of distraction or productivity can drown it out.

One of the bedrock principles of Stoicism is this:
You don’t control what happens.
You control how you respond.

That’s it. That’s the game. Power doesn’t come from controlling outcomes. It comes from mastering your reactions.

But here’s the trap: when you’re stuck in a cycle of negative self-talk, the world starts to echo it back to you. You look for evidence that things are broken—and surprise, you find it. You notice what’s wrong, you miss what’s right, and you call it “reality.”

I’m not speaking hypothetically. This hit home just yesterday.
I missed a workout. Historically, that is a day ruining event as silly as that may seem.

Old me would’ve spiraled.
“You’re lazy.”
“You’re falling off.”
“Fat ass.” (Yeah, that voice gets cruel.)

But instead of letting that voice run the show, I paused.
I remembered why I woke up late, because I stayed in bed longer, cuddling my wife.
I had a productive work day.
I visited my grandma in her care facility.
I shared an unhurried, heartfelt dinner with the love of my life.

Tell me which part of that deserves to be labeled a failure?

So much of life is perspective. The frame we choose to see it through.
If you constantly feel like life is against you, look at what you’re feeding your mind. What you’re repeating in your head.
Because the story you tell yourself is the one you start to live.

You’re allowed to shift the narrative.
To forgive yourself for being human.
To stop letting a missed workout, or whatever your version of that is, drown out all the things that actually matter.

Here’s the truth:
You are not your setbacks.
You are your response to them.

So if today’s one of those days where everything feels off, pause.
Look inward.
Ask: “What can I change right here, right now?”

Because no matter what’s going on outside, the inside is yours.